Laxative abuse

Having just consumed 90 mL of Fleet ® PHOSPHO-SODA ®, an oral saline laxative, I begin to read the label and realized that I have consumed double the recommended amount for a 24-hour period, I started to worry for my rectum. Will my ass fall off?!!!

So far, it has been 2 trips to the porcelain throne room. Make that 3 ... and more are coming.... The good thing is, these 3 are relatively quick trips and I have got a decent amount of reading materials in the porcelain library. As I ponder upon how many trips I will be making, it happened upon me that I may actually lose some weight by ingesting laxative on a regular basis! Yeah! I dig laxative abuse!

Now before I go out and spend my entire salary on laxative, I thought I’ll google laxative and find out what products are available on the market and how to spalsh my salary. To my surprise, one of the first results were from http://www.anred.com/lax.html talking about laxative abuse.

Suppose you visit your favorite aunt and she insisted to cook you a nice 5,000 calories dinner and you could not bear to break her heart... Despite your best efforts to control your intake during the meal, you still ended bloated with sinful calories. You remembered that 2 cans of coca-cola equals 110 minutes on the treadmill and you don't have 4 hours to burn off the 5,000 calories dinner. What do you do?

You could stick a finger into your throat and stimulate an itch to cause you to gag and vomit. Or you can get hold of some laxatives to get the food quickly through your digestive system? Problem solved!

No! Apparently, laxative only acts on the large intestine and most of your calories absorption happens in the small intestine, before it reaches the large intestine. The anred site went on to talk a lot more about why laxative would not help you lose weight, but in fact could give you a cardiac arrest and send you to your marker. Perhaps then you can ask HIM to make you less fat :D

I have my threshold on the number of trips to the porcelain throne to eight. Anything more than that and I might start calling the doctor, if I breach 11, I’ll be calling 995… wish me luck!

And if you were wondering how does the PHOSPHO-SODA ® taste.... it sure taste SALTY! It might as well taste salty cause you lose a lot of water by trip #4. My mind is now filled with images of the health scare I had after drinking the local water in a third-world country.